he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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