i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's always time for handjobs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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