I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
