I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
