At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I won the penis lottery.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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