the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
