Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I forget how to act sober
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize