i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
