remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
