i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
