I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
