If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
