I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
