omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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