mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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