i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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