Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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