we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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