There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm at about main and main street
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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