Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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