Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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