my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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