So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
