I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize