Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
