she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
