i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?