summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him