i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.