It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story