i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.