it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
