so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
