I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
