now i know why i became what i already was.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
