chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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