I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
