I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
