I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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