The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What a dumb baby whore.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
