I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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