So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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