Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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