Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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