i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
