I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
