I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
