I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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