I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
