We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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