we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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