Me too!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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