He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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