you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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