I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
