it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
