Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
