he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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