First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
