I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
