No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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