ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
