You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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