He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
