I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
