But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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