sarcasm needs its own font
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
