dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize