we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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