why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
