real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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