Whod you bang
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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