I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
