my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
