I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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