Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
