So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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